Last time we left off, we had you Aunties at Step Two of helping your siblings choose the right guardians for their little ones, “Deciding What Matters Most.”  I want to move you onto Step 3, Matching People to Priorities.

From this Auntie to all of you, I know this process can be difficult.  It’s important to help support our siblings and inform them but remain objective when it comes to the care of their children. They need to make this decision on their own without feeling any emotional obligation to others.  This just falls under one of our special jobs as aunties, love the little ones always and support our siblings in raising them to be the amazing person they could become.

Step Three: Matching People to Priorities

Use the factors your siblings chose in step two to help them narrow the list of candidates to a handful. They need to compare their list of top values to their list of candidates. Eliminate any from the list who do not share any of their top five values.

Take a breather now! Hopefully your siblings have many good choices to choose from. They need to listen to their bodies and feelings as they consider each person or couple as guardian. They have to use their gut to rank order this short-list into the people they would want first, second, and so on.  Help your siblings understand if they select an attorney experienced in helping parents of minor children, they need to be prepared to answer the following question whenever they named a couple: if the couple divorces or, because of death or incapacity, only one can serve, would they like either one to be guardian? Or would they prefer to move to the next name on the list?

Getting to a consensus

For many families, it’s as easy as it looks. For others, however, choosing a guardian is fraught with conflict. One common difficulty is disagreement between spouses. Consensus is important. While your siblings can each name different guardians, most parents are happier when they reach agreement. They should explore the disagreements to see what information about values and people they both need to understand.

Regardless of which spouse’s family or friends appear more frequently on the final list, it’s important to keep both families involved. One way to do that is to name members of one family as guardians to care for the children, and members of the other family as trustees, to manage the assets for the children. If there is a likelihood of conflict between these family members, make sure your siblings know to share this with their attorney so that their guardianship can be customized to encourage them to keep the lines of communication open.  Often, this process is made easier by having an objective third-party involved who is not emotionally connected to the situation.

That completes step 3! Stay tuned for our next step, “Making It Positive.”  Let’s remember to start off the New Year on the right foot and always make time to enjoy the ones we are blessed to call our nieces and nephews.